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Drunk catIt’s not just you—even a drunk cat can’t stand this season’s American Idol.

If there’s anything better than idolizing the rich and famous, it’s seeing them act like the stupid, regular ol’ human beings that they are. And thanks to alcohol and video cameras, we can now revel in smug satisfaction by watching these drunk celebrities make fools of themselves in full color glory. Pop open a beer or grab a cocktail—the show is about to begin.

5. Danny DeVito Lit Up on The View

Yes, The View is a morning television program, and yes, Danny DeVito is hammered to the gills. Apparently Danny had a late night out with George Clooney that kept going straight through show time. Here’s a hint… never mix Limoncello and red wine.

4. Tracy Morgan Plowed in El Paso

One can’t be sure if Tracy Morgan is actually drunk or under the influence of something else. But he’s clearly out of his freaking gourd in the appearance on a local El Paso local morning show. Good times.

3. Ben Affleck Loaded and Horny

Affleck completely sexually harasses this poor Canadian correspondent on an obviously altered Sunday morning set appearance. Worse than all the boob jokes is Ben’s lame attempt at a French accent. This dude is the Pepe Le Pew of drunk Hollywood losers.

2. David Hasselhoff Hammered With Hamburger

This one is sad more than anything. The former Baywatch and Knight Rider star, who is reportedly still huge in Germany, falls off the wagon. His daughter videotapes him drunk and sloppily eating a hamburger off the floor, which results in him losing visitation rights with his children thanks to an ongoing struggle related to the end of his 16-year marriage to actress Pamela Bach.

1. Paris Hilton Blitzed and Bigoted

Paris, Paris, Paris. Who knew that a regular old night of excessive drinking and your typical slurs against blacks, Jews and lesbians would come back to haunt you in a Los Angeles correctional facility? There are some ladies waiting to teach you a lesson in the showers, and it ain’t the dance lessons you so desperately need.

Thanks to Problogger for the inspiration. Now show me the money. ;)

Oh, and for more listy fun, check out 37 Famously Stupid Celebrity Quotes!


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Paris Hilton and Nicole RichieParis Hilton and Nicole Richie start season 5 of The Simple Life soon. A nation mourns.

Some market research firm out in Cali has released a report that ranks the most “overexposed” celebrities—whatever the hell that means. If we’re talking about naughty bits and public appearances, then Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton are tit for tat at the top, with upstart Victoria Beckham nipping at their heels. Alas, I think we’re talking about mainstream media and gossip rag exposure, so “oops” moments are only part of the equation.

Somehow, that research firm didn’t ask us who the most overexposed celebs are (what an egregious oversight!), so that pretty much renders their data totally inaccurate. So here’s their list, followed by ours, which is clearly superior. Because I said so. What, you didn’t know this was the authoritative source for listy goodness?

Their top 10 overexposed celebs

  1. Britney Spears
  2. Paris Hilton
  3. Kevin Federline
  4. Tom Cruise
  5. Nicole Richie
  6. Lindsay Lohan
  7. Michael Jackson
  8. Donald Trump
  9. Terrell Owens
  10. Howard K. Stern

Our top 10 overexposed celebs

  1. Britney Spears
  2. Paris Hilton
  3. Lindsay Lohan (tied with Paris)
  4. Justin Timberlake
  5. Kevin Federline
  6. Anna Nicole Smith
  7. Tom Cruise
  8. Victoria Beckham
  9. Antonella Barba
  10. Nicole Richie, Larry Birkhead (tie)

After carefully reviewing both lists, the only conclusion I can draw is that the market research firm should have called this “the top 10 celebrity douchebags” or “the top 10 biggest publicity whores—except for Tom Cruise, who’s a frickin’ munchkin.”


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Spinning off a new show from a hit TV series is something that television producers can’t seem to resist, even though for every Frasier there are at least 19 disasters. While it’s been difficult to choose from all the cheesy carnage over the years, here’s our list of the 10 worst spin-off ideas ever.

10. Joanie Loves Chachi

Joanie Loves Chachi with Erin Moran and Scott BaioWhoever thought Happy DaysHappy Daysshark had been jumped years earlier. cast members Scott Baio and Erin Moran could carry a show of their own was ridiculously deluded. Joanie and Chachi left both home and ratings behind to move to Chicago in pursuit of music careers. Unfortunately, they failed at that, as did the show, putting Ellen Travolta back in the unemployment line. Luckily for Baio and Moran, they were welcomed back to for the final year of the series, even though the

9. That ’80s Show

That '80s Show posterIt seemed like a good idea to spin That ’70s Show into the next decade for some new wave, cocaine-fueled materialistic fun, but the execution was horrendous. For some reason the writers abandoned the down-to-earth sweetness that worked so well for the ’70s, and gave in to over-the-top parody. Maybe it was some form of art school commentary on that self-absorbed decade, but the audience tuned out and the show went dark after 13 episodes, turning That ’80s Show into a killing joke all its own.

8. The Girl from U.N.C.L.E.

The Girl from U.N.C.L.E.Imagine Alias, except at the end of every episode Jennifer Garner gets rescued by Austin Powers, and you’ve got the gist of The Girl from U.N.C.L.E. Spun off from The Man from U.N.C.L.E. in 1966, female super spy April Dancer showed the world that girl power was all about avoiding confrontation, repeatedly contemplating marriage to the villain, and looking to her partner Mark Slate to bail her out of trouble. It’s no wonder viewers liberated themselves from watching this crap and tuned in to Emma Peel of The Avengers instead.

7. AfterMASH

The cast of AfterMASH with Mr. THere’s a recipe for success if I’ve ever heard one: Take the three hacks who didn’t think it was a good idea to end the legendary M*A*S*H before it found a Korean shark to jump, move them out of the war zone and into the suburban American Midwest, and watch the hilarity ensue! Colonel Potter, Klinger, and Father Mulcahy running a veteran’s hospital in Missouri? Pure gold. It’s so sad that the only other M*A*S*H cast member they could get to appear before the show tanked was Radar, and that CBS arrogantly matched this bomb up against NBC’s top ten hit The A-Team.

6. The Bradys

The Bradys after the Brady BunchIt’s really not that hard to identify the worst of the three attempts at Brady Bunch spin-offs. As bad as 1977’s The Brady Bunch Hour and 1981’s The Brady Brides most definitely were, The Bradys takes the cake hands down, even with the original cast (sans Marcia) on board. Why? Let’s take an inside look at the pitch meeting:

Producer: OK, it’s the Brady kids, but all grown up with grown up problems. Think The Brady Bunch meets Thirtysomething.

Executive: Bradysomething?

Producer: Exactly. They’ll deal with real issues, like alcoholism, AIDS, paraplegia and infertility. Plus, we’ll have a laugh track.

Executive: Let’s do it.

Six episodes and out in a very Brady mercy killing.

5. Checking In

Florence, George, and Weezie from The JeffersonsEveryone loved Florence from The Jeffersons, but that doesn’t mean anyone wanted to see her star in her own show. Marla Gibbs became the executive housekeeper of a fictional Manhattan hotel for four entire episodes before hauling ass back to George and Weezie after the St. Francis Hotel burned down in a low ratings effigy. Given that The Jeffersons was itself a spin-off of All in the Family (which created more new shows than Aaron Sorkin at a Columbian writer’s retreat), perhaps we can forgive the producers of Checking In for being dumb. I personally vote no, but that’s just me.

4. Enos

Enos from the Dukes of HazzardThis one still makes me shake my head. Enos from The Dukes of Hazzard moves to Los Angeles to join the LAPD, and to ensure maximum hick hilarity, they went ahead and partnered Enos with a black guy. Woo hoo… I can’t stop laughing. I mean really… Enos the straight-laced dipstick? Sure, I can see a brand new sitcom starring Roscoe P. Coltrane or Cooter… but Enos? One year later, homeboy was back in Hazzard County where he belongs.

Seriously… Enos?

3. The Sanford Arms

Sanford and SonHere’s telling proof that drug use is rampant in LA. How about we continue Sanford and Son without Fred Sanford or Lamont? That’ll work, right? After Redd Foxx and Demond Wilson left the show, the producers decided to carry on with new lead character Phil Wheeler, an old Army buddy of Fred’s who bought the junkyard and tried to rent out rooms in an adjacent building. Aunt Esther, Bubba, and Grady were expected to carry the series, and they did—for five whole episodes. Hell, even Grady’s spin-off show lasted longer, and that sucked too.

2. The Tortellis

The Tortellis in the Cheers barCheers hit a home run by spinning off Frasier, which became one of the most beloved American sitcoms ever. Not so much with the largely-forgotten initial attempt in 1987, The Tortellis. Take Carla’s sleazy ex-husband Nick Tortelli, his beautiful, bubble-headed second wife Loretta, and a healthy dose of cheap Italian-American stereotypes, and you have the recipe for one of the worst mistakes in TV spin-off history. Four months later, The Tortellis disappeared from the airwaves and became a recurring nightmare for Dan Hedaya, until he later achieved his career goals by starring as Alicia Silverstone’s father in Clueless.

1. Hello, Larry

The cast of Hello, LarryMention bad television to an industry insider or pop-culture aficionado, and Hello, Larry quickly becomes the prevalent punch line. McLean Stevenson’s 1979 attempt to make a funny sitcom about a radio talk show host in the Pacific Northwest (before Kelsey Grammer got it right in 1993) is the butt of more jokes than most bad television, but objectively it wasn’t any worse than many of the others on this list. Even more ironic, Hello, Larry was not technically a Diff’rent Strokes spin-off; it was an independent show that NBC decided to artificially tie in with Strokes in a lame attempt to boost ratings. No matter–it’s this confluence of pop culture misfortune that will likely keep Hello, Larry at the bottom of the bad TV spin-off heap for years to come.

Now that you’ve reviewed these 10 losers, go hunt down those Joey reruns. Sure, it’s still bad… just not as bad as you thought.


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Are celebrities really dumber than the rest of us, or do they simply have more opportunities to prove their intellectual deficiencies for everyone to see? Whichever it is, it takes a special sort to show up on this list more than once, an honor reserved for the likes of Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson, and the President of the United States of America.

* * *

    Paris Hilton says that's hot
  • 37“I’m so smart now. Everyone’s always like ‘take your top off.’ Sorry, NO! They always want to get that money shot. I’m not stupid.” — Paris Hilton
  • 36“What’s Wal-Mart? Do they sell, like wall stuff?” — Paris Hilton
  • 35“The most loving thing to do is to share your bed with someone.” — Michael Jackson
  • 34“If you have intercourse you run the risk of dying and the ramifications of death are final.” — Cyndi Lauper
  • 33“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost an important part of your life.” — Brooke Shields
  • 32“[I hope] my child will be a good Catholic like me.” — Madonna
  • 31“It’s really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people.” — Axl Rose
  • The Rolling Stones 2007 European Tour

  • 30“I’d rather be dead than singing Satisfaction when I’m forty-five.” — Mick Jagger
  • 29“It’s not that I dislike many people. It’s just that I don’t like many people.” — Bryant Gumbel
  • 28“I look at [modeling] as something I’m doing for black people in general.” — model Naomi Campbell
  • 27“When I’m really hot, I can walk into a room and if a man doesn’t look at me, he’s probably gay.” — Kathleen Turner
  • 26“When you say I committed adultery, are you stating before the marriage of 1996 or prior to?” — Dallas Cowboys cornerback Deion Sanders
  • 25“We are going to turn this team around 360 degrees.” — NBA player Jason Kidd
  • 24“Listening to a woman is almost as bad as losing to one. There are only three things that women are better at than men: cleaning, cooking, and having sex.” — Charles Barkley
  • Donald and Melania Trump

  • 23“If there is one word to describe Atlantic City, it’s Big Business.” — Donald Trump
  • 22“You know, it really doesn’t matter what [the media] write as long as you’ve got a young and beautiful piece of ass.” — Donald Trump
  • 21“He speaks English, Spanish, and he’s bilingual too.” — Don King
  • 20“From the waist down, Earl Campbell has the biggest legs I’ve ever seen on a running back.” — John Madden
  • 19“Predictions are difficult, especially about the future.” — Yogi Berra
  • 18“The word ‘genius’ isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.” — Joe Theismann
  • 17“I don’t think anybody should write his autobiography until after he’s dead.” — Samuel Goldwyn
  • 16“I never get bored, because there’s always different puzzles, I’m wearing different clothes, there’s different contestants, there’s different prizes.” — Vanna White
  • 15“I was asked to come to Chicago because Chicago is one of our fifty-two states.” — Racquel Welch
  • Britney Spears on Jeopardy

  • 14“I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada.” — Britney Spears
  • 13“I’ve never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don’t like eating fish. And I know that’s very popular out there in Africa.” — Britney Spears
  • 12“So, where’s the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?” — Christina Aguilera
  • 11“I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it’s true lightness.” — Alicia Silverstone
  • 10“I’ve got taste. It’s inbred in me.” — David Hasselhoff
  • 9“I cried over beauty, I cried over pain, and the other time I cried because I felt nothing. I can’t help it. I’m just a clichรฉ of myself.” — Keanu Reeves
  • 8“I’m not anorexic. I’m from Texas. Are there people from Texas that are anorexic? I’ve never heard of one. And that includes me.” — Jessica Simpson
  • Jessica Simpson buffalo wings

  • 7“Is this chicken or is this fish? I know it’s tuna but it says chicken of the sea.” — Jessica Simpson
  • 6“I’m sounding worse than Jessica Simpson right now. She’s looking like a rock scientist.” — Tara Reid
  • 5“I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman.” — Arnold Schwarzenegger
  • 4“I love California. I grew up in Phoenix.” — Dan Quayle
  • 3“You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror.” — George W. Bush
  • George W. Bush

  • 2“Too many OB/GYN’s aren’t able to practice their love with women all across the country.” — George W. Bush
  • 1“Rarely is the question asked, is our children learning?” — George W. Bush

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30-04-2008

Celebrity MugshotsIn honor of the pending Paris Hilton incarceration and the recent Lindsay Lohan DUI and cocaine bust, we thought it appropriate to take a look at some of the more humorous pictorial representations of celebrity larceny, by way of the mug shot. While we won’t see the actual Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan mugshots due to the authorities withholding them (proving without a doubt that celebrities are no different than you or I in the eyes of the law), I guarantee you’ll laugh harder at these 10 special selections.

* * *

Hugh Grant mugshot10. Hugh Grant
A picture is worth a thousand words, no? What this picture says to me is, “Righto, I was trying to hump a black American prostitute, what can I say? So sorry. May I be going now? Ta ta.”
9. Matthew McConaughey
Matthew McConaughey mugshotSure, this picture proves without a doubt that Matthew McConaughey has had many, many hair plugs since, and that he likely speaks meth as a second language. But it’s the back story that rules: naked bongos while stoned out of his gourd. Watch the leather, man… indeed.
Macaulay Culkin mugshot8. Macaulay Culkin
Macaulay Culkin is seen here after being busted in Oklahoma for marijuana possession and un-prescribed Xanax. He looks pretty spent, like he just spent a fun-filled weekend of rides at Neverland Ranch with special attention from the proprietor.
7. James Brown
James Brown mugshotObjectively, this should be ranked higher based on the hilarity of the picture alone. But, this is James Brown, the Godfather of Soul. James Brown should have been able to get his freak on anywhere, anytime, anyhow, without interference from the man… man.
Rip Torn mugshot6. Rip Torn
I love this shot of Rip Torn. It’s so clear he’d rather eat your liver than quit killing his own. You gotta respect that, I don’t care who you are.
Mel Gibson mugshot5. Mel Gibson
Hi, I’m Mel Gibson, and my publicist said that if I were to be arrested, I should smile for the mug shot in order to mitigate the public relations damage caused by reckless driving, public drunkenness, alcoholism, sexism, continued anti-Semitic behavior, and using “sugar tits” in a sentence. So far, so good.
4. Mike Tyson
Mike Tyson mugshotMike Tyson was arrested in December 2006 on drunk driving and cocaine possession charges in Arizona. He almost rammed a police cruiser and subsequently two small bags of cocaine were found in Tyson’s pocket and another in his car. I can’t tell if he’s looking for a freeze here or looking to salt the officer’s ear to taste before taking a bite.
Robert Downey Jr. mugshot3. Robert Downey Jr.
I’ve gotta admit, I love this guy. But homeboy is like the Silver Surfer in this pic. He’s got so much speedball working that he’s totally one with the universe, he sees clearly the true nature of it all, and the cosmic winds are blowing in his face like Peter North.
2. Nick Nolte
Nick Nolte mugshotI just find this wrong. You don’t arrest this guy. You talk with him a bit, sort through the gibberish, lead him back under the freeway to his cardboard box, and give him five bucks. If he spends it on booze, at least you made someone happy that day, right?
Michael Jackson mugshot1. Michael Jackson
Hey look kids, it’s the proprietor of Neverland Ranch! Seriously, this picture would be just as hilarious if it were simply a snapshot taken in the back room at a child’s birthday party. OK, maybe not.

* * *

Even our cutting room floor ended up funny after writing this article. Check out these priceless scraps we pulled off the linoleum:

* * *

Robert Van Winkle aka Vanilla Ice mugshotBonus: Vanilla Ice
Robert Van Winkle should be arrested for ripping off a sample of Queen and David Bowie’s “Under Pressure” and then denying it, or maybe for that haircut. Instead he got busted for allegedly pulling hair out of his wife’s head during an argument. Couldn’t she return the favor?
Bonus: Vince Vaughn
Vince Vaughn mugshotThis mug shot is hilarious, but it didn’t make the main list simply because I’m pretty sure Vince looks this way every weekend. Move along people, nothing to see here.
Carmen Electra mugshotBonus: Carmen Electra
Sure, she’s seen better days in the looks department, but what makes this remarkable is that Carmen was arrested for battering 6 foot 8 inch rebounding monster Dennis Rodman. How did Dave Navarro’s little ass survive living with her?
Bonus: Dennis Rodman
Dennis Rodman mugshot
Speaking of Rodman, he’s been arrested more than once, but this shot shows him after he was hauled in for DWI. You think?
Bonus: Pee Wee Herman
Pee Wee Herman mugshot
Awww… Pee Wee sad. No one will let Pee Wee play with his pee pee in peace. Pee Wee take his kiddie porn and go home.

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Okay, take a listen:

Truly, is it just me, or does she sound horrible? Try and disregard the hotness for a second (close your eyes if that helps) and listen. It’s like getting your gums scraped, isn’t it.



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Keira Knightley

Keira Knightley

Angelina Joile

Angelina Jolie

Number 8

Hilary Duff

Number 7

Cheryl Cole

Number 6

Scarlett Johansson

Number 5

Hayden Panettiere

Number 4

Elisha Cuthbert

Number 3

Keeley Hazell

Number 2

Jessica Alba

Number 1 Megan
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Megan Fox

01

Megan
Fox

Winning debut
There’s not a woman alive who looks better bent over a 1976 Chevrolet Camaro in a denim miniskirt. With a sultry glower, capricious pout and six tattoos, she’s the junior Angelina Jolie (but without the orphan addiction).

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02

Jessica
Alba

Fantastic form
A silver-medal position for the 27-year-old Californian, based purely on honeyed skin, a drum-taut Latino body and her wilful disregard of why we’re all so desperate to see next year’s Sin City sequel.

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03

Keeley
Hazell

Kentish melon-farmer
The 21-year-old with the nation’s finest frontage has spent the last year modelling too-small lingerie, starring in a slightly odd online technology show and making it big in the US.

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04

Elisha
Cuthbert

All day long
Despite 18 months of minimal movie output (including the tortuous Captivity), this 25-year-old is genuinely more popular than ever. Maybe it’s memories of her pink panties in Old School. Or her ‘adult’ scenes in The Girl Next Door.

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