In honor of the pending Paris Hilton incarceration and the recent Lindsay Lohan DUI and cocaine bust, we thought it appropriate to take a look at some of the more humorous pictorial representations of celebrity larceny, by way of the mug shot. While we won’t see the actual Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan mugshots due to the authorities withholding them (proving without a doubt that celebrities are no different than you or I in the eyes of the law), I guarantee you’ll laugh harder at these 10 special selections.
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- 10. Hugh Grant
- A picture is worth a thousand words, no? What this picture says to me is, “Righto, I was trying to hump a black American prostitute, what can I say? So sorry. May I be going now? Ta ta.”
- 9. Matthew McConaughey
- Sure, this picture proves without a doubt that Matthew McConaughey has had many, many hair plugs since, and that he likely speaks meth as a second language. But it’s the back story that rules: naked bongos while stoned out of his gourd. Watch the leather, man… indeed.
- 8. Macaulay Culkin
- Macaulay Culkin is seen here after being busted in Oklahoma for marijuana possession and un-prescribed Xanax. He looks pretty spent, like he just spent a fun-filled weekend of rides at Neverland Ranch with special attention from the proprietor.
- 7. James Brown
- Objectively, this should be ranked higher based on the hilarity of the picture alone. But, this is James Brown, the Godfather of Soul. James Brown should have been able to get his freak on anywhere, anytime, anyhow, without interference from the man… man.
- 6. Rip Torn
- I love this shot of Rip Torn. It’s so clear he’d rather eat your liver than quit killing his own. You gotta respect that, I don’t care who you are.
- 5. Mel Gibson
- Hi, I’m Mel Gibson, and my publicist said that if I were to be arrested, I should smile for the mug shot in order to mitigate the public relations damage caused by reckless driving, public drunkenness, alcoholism, sexism, continued anti-Semitic behavior, and using “sugar tits” in a sentence. So far, so good.
- 4. Mike Tyson
- Mike Tyson was arrested in December 2006 on drunk driving and cocaine possession charges in Arizona. He almost rammed a police cruiser and subsequently two small bags of cocaine were found in Tyson’s pocket and another in his car. I can’t tell if he’s looking for a freeze here or looking to salt the officer’s ear to taste before taking a bite.
- 3. Robert Downey Jr.
- I’ve gotta admit, I love this guy. But homeboy is like the Silver Surfer in this pic. He’s got so much speedball working that he’s totally one with the universe, he sees clearly the true nature of it all, and the cosmic winds are blowing in his face like Peter North.
- 2. Nick Nolte
- I just find this wrong. You don’t arrest this guy. You talk with him a bit, sort through the gibberish, lead him back under the freeway to his cardboard box, and give him five bucks. If he spends it on booze, at least you made someone happy that day, right?
- 1. Michael Jackson
- Hey look kids, it’s the proprietor of Neverland Ranch! Seriously, this picture would be just as hilarious if it were simply a snapshot taken in the back room at a child’s birthday party. OK, maybe not.
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Even our cutting room floor ended up funny after writing this article. Check out these priceless scraps we pulled off the linoleum:
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- Bonus: Vanilla Ice
- Robert Van Winkle should be arrested for ripping off a sample of Queen and David Bowie’s “Under Pressure” and then denying it, or maybe for that haircut. Instead he got busted for allegedly pulling hair out of his wife’s head during an argument. Couldn’t she return the favor?
- Bonus: Vince Vaughn
- This mug shot is hilarious, but it didn’t make the main list simply because I’m pretty sure Vince looks this way every weekend. Move along people, nothing to see here.
- Bonus: Carmen Electra
- Sure, she’s seen better days in the looks department, but what makes this remarkable is that Carmen was arrested for battering 6 foot 8 inch rebounding monster Dennis Rodman. How did Dave Navarro’s little ass survive living with her?
- Bonus: Dennis Rodman
- Speaking of Rodman, he’s been arrested more than once, but this shot shows him after he was hauled in for DWI. You think?
- Bonus: Pee Wee Herman
- Awww… Pee Wee sad. No one will let Pee Wee play with his pee pee in peace. Pee Wee take his kiddie porn and go home.